called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
