I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
