I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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