things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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