Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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