Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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