And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm always down for nudity.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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