It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
