Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
