It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
