the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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