Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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