It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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