We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
