Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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