Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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