I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize