You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am one with the molecules
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
