so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
