I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Randomize