My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
