I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
