Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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