I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
