I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
