I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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