my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
