would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
