His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I am morally bankrupt
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
