look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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