Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
