Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
