How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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