He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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