This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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