i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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