When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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