I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
