The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
