It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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