then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize