Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize