I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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