Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Say something about gay babies.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize