I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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