Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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