dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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