i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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