she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize