Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
