So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
