John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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