worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
