I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
