note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
