ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
