There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
