I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
