Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This girl is more easily done than said...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
