The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
