You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
