And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
