You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat