Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island