hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.