I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind