He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox