apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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