Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize