When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
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you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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